Dear hater / bully

It was fun wasn’t it, Saying all those awful things 

Your mouth a garbage can, putrid and Fucking disgusting, I am laughing.

You’re A reflection of an inferior minded human being 

Saying self conscious words to the victims of beauty, 

~

I listened, you know? 

Your words boiled like lava 

Writhed like acid

Ashes of my heart still burned

Churning and twisting 

My breath hollowed 

Something was dying inside me

Your words breed a death

Without you my dear, I don’t know where I would be

~

I saw it, in your eyes 

The fervent facade was a stupid substitute for confidence 

Mean girl, a character you played so bad, I was crying

You are such an uneducated bully, it’s annoying

~

Look at me, now

Ritzy and sexy as Fuck 

Your malice has become so dull, i’m bored, 

Come on throw some more hate, babe 

See me grow again, 

See me become a masterpiece 

Because I know that shit hurts. 

~

I See you watching 

The devilish smirk appearing in your face

As I close my eyes

Liquid cascading down my eyes 

It’s in black and white 

A timeless classic 

you’ve won… funny that isn’t.

~

Well fix your face bitch, 

Cause I am a god damn diamond and I Fucking cry glitter bitch. 

Gratitude and fear

There is something that people or the universe seems to forget or rather mistaken or perhaps only driven people with all kinds of expectations will only understand, but gratitude and fear sometimes comes together and one becomes dominant. 

I am at a point in my life where all my dreams have shuttered and don’t say I am still young, I can do it. I know I am still young and I know I can do it and I am greatful but at the same time, I feel like I will never be an actress that I want to be, my books don’t sell now, they will probably never sell because what’s going to change? I can’t be in love and I certainly feel like my downs are someone’s ups. Meaning since I seem to be back to square zero some people are going to be happy about this. 

Gratitude; I am grateful of what I have but I have a massive fear and the way my life has suddenly flipped upside down, I don’t see it changing. My biggest fear is I will never be happy. I am like a bag full of gold in the middle of nowhere. I fear I will not be an actress, I will end up doing some shit career that everyone told me to do because ‘I am black’ ‘it’s hard to get into’ it’s blah blah blah. I fear I will never find love, I fear I will never ever be happy. 

I am grateful I am multitalented, actress, singer, writer, artist, and more. I could thank God with all my life for such gifts, but what’s the point when no matter how much I work hard, none of it comes through? Now I should start think which shit job that I hate with a passion, that I despise and that I swore I will never do – I should do. 

See, gratitude and fear come in together. I am grateful of what I have, I hate where I am in my life right now and I am extremely, very very extremely fearful of the future because the unhappiness has started now. That’s why I haven’t been writing on this blog because what’s there to write? I am unhappy. I write when I am at least aware that my life has a direction but at the moment I hitting my head against the wall and I am angry and scared I will die alone, broke as fuck, doing a shit job, having hundred kids from hundred assholes who never even loved me. Living in a ramshackle shithouse, with a hundred fucking books starked in a drawer somewhere. 

And many many many people in my life will be extremely happy because I am a threat. My intelligence, charisma and talent are a big threat. 

Self portrait 

Hey guys, so I drew a self portrait after a long time not drawing. I know there is the requested one and I will do it, it’s just that I don’t know how to draw a full body drawing. I am still learning to draw faces, it’s something that I like and I am trying to improve my skills on there. But I will do it. 


So I tried to keep it true to the original but I haven’t garnered enough skill yet. I dropped the arts and design class before I was that much educated within the art department. But I am getting there.

I hope you like it 😊

Who do I want for Valentine’s Day? 

All of my friends know this person, all of my teachers know how much every course work I have done is based on him, my family begs me to shut the fuck about about him, he is the reason I first loved acting, the reason I am such a weird girl that likes mimicking him, I just love Johnny Depp. 

The first time I knew I wanted to be an actress was when I saw his performance on pirates of the Caribbean since then I asked my mom to make me small so that I can fit in the back of the tv (them old ones). I didn’t even know who he was and I practiced his walk and tried speaking like him even if I didn’t know English at that time. I would improvise and speak Zulu but adapting his tone and that hazy body image. If I am being honest, I know I had fell in love with Johnny right that time. 

Until today. Since high school any homework or course work where I had the freedom to do it based on any one from inspiration to career choices and more, I have always done it on Johnny, I guess that’s why I am an A student! 

So here is the man I would like to have for my valentine. 


Young Johnny looked damn fucking HOT!!! Cry baby is one of my favourite films of all time! Watched about ten times. I am obsessed. 


How can anyone not want this for valentines though? 

Can you believe I fell in love with this Johnny Depp? Defines how crazy I am.

Honestly, how can one individual look this perfect? 


His shy cute smile. This is from Benny and Joon. My all time fav. I like all of his films anyway haha.


It’s like he is saying, “that round ass, god damn those huge tits, those kissable voluptuous and lush thick lips; damn I just love that girl” who agrees with me?


Yeah I want this kiss on val. 


I would laugh hard everytime he says this 😂 


His recent picture. How the fuck is he this hot while he is dressed in what looks like rugs lol. 

Anyway. I have shared what I would like for valentines… what would you like?