13 questions TMI

I confess, I stole this from JL Peridot and I thought it was cool. It’s more like a TMI or a get to know me kind of thing. Go check out their blog it’s pretty cool and erotic.  I will answer these very honestly.

1. How do you hope to change as a person in the future? I hope to be more soft. I am a hard person and I tell it like it is and that makes me hurt people. If you watch the tv program suits, picture me as a female version if Harvey. So maybe I will like to soften up a bit. I also like attention. When I am in the room I want to wholly everyone and if someone takes the spotlight it pisses me off. So maybe I would like to be a bit soft on that. 

2. What keeps you up at night? I am extremely career driven and sometimes I think I allow that to keep me up at night.Anxiety  and thinking if every bad thing that could hinder my career. Other than that no matter how happy or sad I am, I rarely stay up at night unless I am watching a bunch of film. 

3. What’s the most surprising self-realisation you’ve had? I have had many haha. Waking up in the morning. Recently I realise that I have gained all the weight I worked off because gym is my favourite part of life but because I had been lazy I never woke up and went to gym and I found every excuse under the sun to not but then I went for shopping the other day and since that day, I am working my ass off. 

4. What lie do you tell the most? That I am happy single I guess. I don’t know man, I am a concealed person and I lie to keep my cover. I hate sharing my feelings so if I love someone I will lie that they didn’t hurt me when deep inside I am crying. I lie about my feeling more than anything. Otherwise, I barely lie. My mom hates that shit so she taught us to stay truthful. 

5. What do you regret not doing? I regret not learning to out myself first. I make people happy while I die inside and I regret not standing up and defending myself and learning to say no. 

6. What do you often look down on people for? Arrogance, negativity, bitchiness, procrastinating, whiny people really piss me off, people who cry about everything and not sorting shit. I have more but the list could go on. 

7. What do you think people look down on you for  the most? For being the most liked person in the room, being the funniest and that I have my shit together and for being the straightforward girl. 

8. What gives your life meaning? Doing what I love.

9. What bridges do you not regret burning? Useless people in my life. You hurt me I leave you. You bore me, I leave you behind. You annoy me, I will leave you behind. Basically I burn every bridge that is pointless in my life. 

10. What are you more insecure about? I don’t know to be honest but I know I am a bit insecure about how I look sometimes other than that, I don’t know. 

11. How do you get in the way of your own success? Being afraid to go out of my comfort zone, nervousness, overthinking. 

12. What’s one thing you wish you could go back and undo? I seriously don’t know. 

13. What are you afraid people see when they look at you? I am afraid people look at me like an intimidating person that they can’t be with. I am afraid people look at me like I am not a hard worker or I am not string enough. 

My goodness me I LOVE RIHANNA 

So she turned up in London for the Valerian premiere !!!!!!!!! and Jesus Christ from Nazareth, she looks like an angel I mean look: 


Look at that smile, look how red makes her look like the most amazing and romantic woman THAT SHE IS! My heart is beating so fast I am even having tears of joy despite the fact that I am so far away from London.


She is soooooo angelic I seriously have no words to describe just how much I admire her. She is such a strong young woman who has accomplished more than anyone can ever imagine for a woman her age. She is proof that dreaming harder and being passionate about what you do will always make you go higher and it will pay off.


So Fucking fierce and extremely sexy. She is my inspiration in so many ways. She inspires me every day and every time I wake up and feel like my dream is not making any progress I think about this young Barbadian girl who had accomplished so much and think that she didn’t give up because if she did, she wouldn’t be here and I certainly can’t even imagine who would be inspiring me as much as she does. 


Just look at her man!!!!! She is just amazing. As much as no one is perfect Rih is my figure of perfection. She is just… effortlessly amazing and look at her right now in london 4 hours away from were I am 😢😢😢😢 


I was so sad last year I couldn’t afford to go see her concert. In my life I haven’t been the kid from a rich family who can afford paying for shows and even when I had started work I still couldn’t but I swear I will meet her one day and my dream is I meet her through working on a film together cause she has started acting now 😍😍😍. I know it’s silly but hey… anything is possible. 


Just like it is possible to have such a beautiful soul in the world!! 


I am really really proud of her and how she has worked so hard and actually always make me optimistic about the future. I love her so much. Nobody can ever understand how much I love her. She is amazing. 

Dear hater / bully

It was fun wasn’t it, Saying all those awful things 

Your mouth a garbage can, putrid and Fucking disgusting, I am laughing.

You’re A reflection of an inferior minded human being 

Saying self conscious words to the victims of beauty, 

~

I listened, you know? 

Your words boiled like lava 

Writhed like acid

Ashes of my heart still burned

Churning and twisting 

My breath hollowed 

Something was dying inside me

Your words breed a death

Without you my dear, I don’t know where I would be

~

I saw it, in your eyes 

The fervent facade was a stupid substitute for confidence 

Mean girl, a character you played so bad, I was crying

You are such an uneducated bully, it’s annoying

~

Look at me, now

Ritzy and sexy as Fuck 

Your malice has become so dull, i’m bored, 

Come on throw some more hate, babe 

See me grow again, 

See me become a masterpiece 

Because I know that shit hurts. 

~

I See you watching 

The devilish smirk appearing in your face

As I close my eyes

Liquid cascading down my eyes 

It’s in black and white 

A timeless classic 

you’ve won… funny that isn’t.

~

Well fix your face bitch, 

Cause I am a god damn diamond and I Fucking cry glitter bitch. 

Gratitude and fear

There is something that people or the universe seems to forget or rather mistaken or perhaps only driven people with all kinds of expectations will only understand, but gratitude and fear sometimes comes together and one becomes dominant. 

I am at a point in my life where all my dreams have shuttered and don’t say I am still young, I can do it. I know I am still young and I know I can do it and I am greatful but at the same time, I feel like I will never be an actress that I want to be, my books don’t sell now, they will probably never sell because what’s going to change? I can’t be in love and I certainly feel like my downs are someone’s ups. Meaning since I seem to be back to square zero some people are going to be happy about this. 

Gratitude; I am grateful of what I have but I have a massive fear and the way my life has suddenly flipped upside down, I don’t see it changing. My biggest fear is I will never be happy. I am like a bag full of gold in the middle of nowhere. I fear I will not be an actress, I will end up doing some shit career that everyone told me to do because ‘I am black’ ‘it’s hard to get into’ it’s blah blah blah. I fear I will never find love, I fear I will never ever be happy. 

I am grateful I am multitalented, actress, singer, writer, artist, and more. I could thank God with all my life for such gifts, but what’s the point when no matter how much I work hard, none of it comes through? Now I should start think which shit job that I hate with a passion, that I despise and that I swore I will never do – I should do. 

See, gratitude and fear come in together. I am grateful of what I have, I hate where I am in my life right now and I am extremely, very very extremely fearful of the future because the unhappiness has started now. That’s why I haven’t been writing on this blog because what’s there to write? I am unhappy. I write when I am at least aware that my life has a direction but at the moment I hitting my head against the wall and I am angry and scared I will die alone, broke as fuck, doing a shit job, having hundred kids from hundred assholes who never even loved me. Living in a ramshackle shithouse, with a hundred fucking books starked in a drawer somewhere. 

And many many many people in my life will be extremely happy because I am a threat. My intelligence, charisma and talent are a big threat. 

Self portrait 

Hey guys, so I drew a self portrait after a long time not drawing. I know there is the requested one and I will do it, it’s just that I don’t know how to draw a full body drawing. I am still learning to draw faces, it’s something that I like and I am trying to improve my skills on there. But I will do it. 


So I tried to keep it true to the original but I haven’t garnered enough skill yet. I dropped the arts and design class before I was that much educated within the art department. But I am getting there.

I hope you like it 😊

Who do I want for Valentine’s Day? 

All of my friends know this person, all of my teachers know how much every course work I have done is based on him, my family begs me to shut the fuck about about him, he is the reason I first loved acting, the reason I am such a weird girl that likes mimicking him, I just love Johnny Depp. 

The first time I knew I wanted to be an actress was when I saw his performance on pirates of the Caribbean since then I asked my mom to make me small so that I can fit in the back of the tv (them old ones). I didn’t even know who he was and I practiced his walk and tried speaking like him even if I didn’t know English at that time. I would improvise and speak Zulu but adapting his tone and that hazy body image. If I am being honest, I know I had fell in love with Johnny right that time. 

Until today. Since high school any homework or course work where I had the freedom to do it based on any one from inspiration to career choices and more, I have always done it on Johnny, I guess that’s why I am an A student! 

So here is the man I would like to have for my valentine. 


Young Johnny looked damn fucking HOT!!! Cry baby is one of my favourite films of all time! Watched about ten times. I am obsessed. 


How can anyone not want this for valentines though? 

Can you believe I fell in love with this Johnny Depp? Defines how crazy I am.

Honestly, how can one individual look this perfect? 


His shy cute smile. This is from Benny and Joon. My all time fav. I like all of his films anyway haha.


It’s like he is saying, “that round ass, god damn those huge tits, those kissable voluptuous and lush thick lips; damn I just love that girl” who agrees with me?


Yeah I want this kiss on val. 


I would laugh hard everytime he says this 😂 


His recent picture. How the fuck is he this hot while he is dressed in what looks like rugs lol. 

Anyway. I have shared what I would like for valentines… what would you like?