Everytime ❤️

Everytime I look into your eyes, I feel like you handpicked me to suit your darkest insight, but you never really knew what I was like, you only witnesses a facade of what it’s like to love a woman like me. 

Everytime I am inside your arms, I feel like you handpicked me out of a million, only you didn’t know who I was like, I thought you will leave cause I tempted to leave, not because I hadn’t loved you yet, but because it didn’t feel right, because you only witness the smile I wear in day, and the lustrous mask I wear at night but then you reminded me, it wasn’t a facade it really was me.

Everytime I dance with you in the dark, I want you to be harder cause I am not so soft, Everytime you try to be kind I tell you I want you to be hard because I know love isn’t supposed to be easy, that’s why I don’t want you to be easy. 

Everytime I look into your eyes, I feel like you handpicked me effortlessly because I am transparent, you know I was the girl that suit your life, I love the sex you like and the fetish you love, I hate all the things that you hate, I laugh at same joke as you laugh to, I never cry because you hate to see me cry. 

Everytime I kiss you I feel like I will explode into a million diamonds because you make me shine brighter than the diamonds. 

Everytime you sleep I want you to know, you are my love and I belong to you. 

Everytime 

Dear hater / bully

It was fun wasn’t it, Saying all those awful things 

Your mouth a garbage can, putrid and Fucking disgusting, I am laughing.

You’re A reflection of an inferior minded human being 

Saying self conscious words to the victims of beauty, 

~

I listened, you know? 

Your words boiled like lava 

Writhed like acid

Ashes of my heart still burned

Churning and twisting 

My breath hollowed 

Something was dying inside me

Your words breed a death

Without you my dear, I don’t know where I would be

~

I saw it, in your eyes 

The fervent facade was a stupid substitute for confidence 

Mean girl, a character you played so bad, I was crying

You are such an uneducated bully, it’s annoying

~

Look at me, now

Ritzy and sexy as Fuck 

Your malice has become so dull, i’m bored, 

Come on throw some more hate, babe 

See me grow again, 

See me become a masterpiece 

Because I know that shit hurts. 

~

I See you watching 

The devilish smirk appearing in your face

As I close my eyes

Liquid cascading down my eyes 

It’s in black and white 

A timeless classic 

you’ve won… funny that isn’t.

~

Well fix your face bitch, 

Cause I am a god damn diamond and I Fucking cry glitter bitch. 

It’s a savage world 

I am single 

But my heart belongs to someone who can never be mine 

I am on my own 

Hence my mind rotates in circles 

I feel a certain drowsiness since I decided to let go and let God 

But I want you, 

I want something new 

Because you are all that is in my mind 

Promoting your image, an illusion of the best life 

And I buy into it 

~

I am single 

I walk on the streets 

Hand in hand with your phantom 

I am cursed with the eyes that are the only that can see you 

 because I belong to you 

And you belong to someone else

It’s a savage world. 

It’s sad I live in it 

And you don’t live in it 

I am not loving it 

So that’s why I tempt to leave it 

But nothing is as impossible as that 

Letting go, of you, and letting God. 

Discussion: big girls/ big women…? 

(I love this woman!!!!!)

I am glad we are in a time where most thick women feel confident and beautiful in their skin. I myself I am a curvy girl, I am no where near skinny and sometimes I feel less beautiful which is fairly less times to be honest. The thing is being a bigger girl comes with more flaws than most thinner women. We have huge tits that aren’t as perky, some thick girls don’t have huge tits but the majority do. I do and they are heavy and annoying but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I have read some articles where men say they are turned off when a plus woman has her huge tits that are obviously not going to be perky. 

(Another fav from Ig)

Second, we have stretch marks, our tiger stripes define our growth and our feminity and again I have read articles where some men say they are a turn off or they wouldn’t date a plus woman because of that. 

(So beautiful!, my body type)

Besides some thick women have thick thighs that rub together, cause friction and skin discolouration, and I have yet again read articles where women feel insecure about this and where they have been insulted about it. In my opinion, it’s all natural. 

Also I know there are some big men who aren’t six pack and muscles, who too are thick and are also made to feel as though they aren’t beautiful. I know people have preference, I have mine but sometimes you can’t help who you fall for. 

The media and the society makes us feel as though we are unattractive and that we must be picture perfect or if we are curvy, we must be Kim Kardashian curvy which is just… let’s not go there. 

So this week’s discussion is about fat/thick/plus/curvy women and thick men. 

Would you date a thick (BBW) woman/ man? Do the flaws I have mentioned above turn you off? And on the picture below which girl would you prefer if you were to date a big girl? 

(A,B,C,D,E) 

I know this is a sensitive subject for other people and I don’t mean to offend. I am doing this discussion because people email me to do it and a lot have. I am just helping and if you have an idea of any discussion please voice it. Also share this post so that more people would join in. It’s fun if we are many. 

 I also ask that you write your most honest response and do not feel afraid or lie just to impress, I want you to be honest. And remember every opinion is an opinion, if it offends you, don’t take it to heart. 

No matter who you are, you are very very beautiful and no words should make you feel less than beautiful and handsome. 

Let’s have a laugh 😂 

The internet has no chill man 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 

A handsome face 

A handsome face sells 

But it never sells the emotions

The darkness buried inside 

Hidden and starched underneath the angelic face.

~

It hold a priceless smile

That could sell for a million pounds 

A very deceitful smile 

That attracts even the devil of the world

It allures the wrong light into his life.

~

A handsome face is misinterpreted 

It’s effortless features could cloud all sorts of feelings, sex, love, hate, happiness, pity, naughty, sexy, hot and every word in the world.

It could turn you on without even advanced effort

It could intimidate you without any words spoken

It could mislead you without any intention to

It is just a handsome face 

An art piece

~

A handsome face alerts false projection

Women think it doesn’t have a heart

They become defensive 

Use their claws to scratch it ugly 

Yet a handsome face may sell false advertisement 

But it does have a heart

It’s handsomeness hinders us to see its reality

It’s handsomeness is a curse that causes unendurable pain 

Projection of a wrong feeling

~

An art piece that needs to be analysed in its fullest depth

It’s handsomeness hides the wrinkles and the fine lines of growth. 

Lines that are routes to its true being

Wrinkles that are brought by its sadness and its happiness.

A handsome face is the most saddest thing in the world.

Gratitude and fear

There is something that people or the universe seems to forget or rather mistaken or perhaps only driven people with all kinds of expectations will only understand, but gratitude and fear sometimes comes together and one becomes dominant. 

I am at a point in my life where all my dreams have shuttered and don’t say I am still young, I can do it. I know I am still young and I know I can do it and I am greatful but at the same time, I feel like I will never be an actress that I want to be, my books don’t sell now, they will probably never sell because what’s going to change? I can’t be in love and I certainly feel like my downs are someone’s ups. Meaning since I seem to be back to square zero some people are going to be happy about this. 

Gratitude; I am grateful of what I have but I have a massive fear and the way my life has suddenly flipped upside down, I don’t see it changing. My biggest fear is I will never be happy. I am like a bag full of gold in the middle of nowhere. I fear I will not be an actress, I will end up doing some shit career that everyone told me to do because ‘I am black’ ‘it’s hard to get into’ it’s blah blah blah. I fear I will never find love, I fear I will never ever be happy. 

I am grateful I am multitalented, actress, singer, writer, artist, and more. I could thank God with all my life for such gifts, but what’s the point when no matter how much I work hard, none of it comes through? Now I should start think which shit job that I hate with a passion, that I despise and that I swore I will never do – I should do. 

See, gratitude and fear come in together. I am grateful of what I have, I hate where I am in my life right now and I am extremely, very very extremely fearful of the future because the unhappiness has started now. That’s why I haven’t been writing on this blog because what’s there to write? I am unhappy. I write when I am at least aware that my life has a direction but at the moment I hitting my head against the wall and I am angry and scared I will die alone, broke as fuck, doing a shit job, having hundred kids from hundred assholes who never even loved me. Living in a ramshackle shithouse, with a hundred fucking books starked in a drawer somewhere. 

And many many many people in my life will be extremely happy because I am a threat. My intelligence, charisma and talent are a big threat. 

Self portrait 

Hey guys, so I drew a self portrait after a long time not drawing. I know there is the requested one and I will do it, it’s just that I don’t know how to draw a full body drawing. I am still learning to draw faces, it’s something that I like and I am trying to improve my skills on there. But I will do it. 


So I tried to keep it true to the original but I haven’t garnered enough skill yet. I dropped the arts and design class before I was that much educated within the art department. But I am getting there.

I hope you like it 😊