There is nothing as blissfully peaceful as the days in oversized flannels at the comfort of your own house. Some oversized jeans – ripped jeans maybe and a book to feed your mind with the visuals the artistic mind has written for you. Escape reality as what happens in the book normally takes you out of this world, propel you  to feel the world outside yours. It’s never a mundane moment then, especially when it’s raining and you sit at the frame of  the window, allow the dainty lace curtain to caress across your skin. Awaken the hairs on your skin. Close your eyes and reminisce the touch of your lover. Watch the rain cascade from the skies and wash away the tears of the sad, water the flowers so they will bloom into roses tomorrow. Transfer into the magical realms built by the imagination of another of your kind. It’s inspirational.

There is nothing like a day in oversized flannels and oversized jeans in the comfort of your home. 

G’day everyone

13 questions TMI

I confess, I stole this from JL Peridot and I thought it was cool. It’s more like a TMI or a get to know me kind of thing. Go check out their blog it’s pretty cool and erotic.  I will answer these very honestly.

1. How do you hope to change as a person in the future? I hope to be more soft. I am a hard person and I tell it like it is and that makes me hurt people. If you watch the tv program suits, picture me as a female version if Harvey. So maybe I will like to soften up a bit. I also like attention. When I am in the room I want to wholly everyone and if someone takes the spotlight it pisses me off. So maybe I would like to be a bit soft on that. 

2. What keeps you up at night? I am extremely career driven and sometimes I think I allow that to keep me up at night.Anxiety  and thinking if every bad thing that could hinder my career. Other than that no matter how happy or sad I am, I rarely stay up at night unless I am watching a bunch of film. 

3. What’s the most surprising self-realisation you’ve had? I have had many haha. Waking up in the morning. Recently I realise that I have gained all the weight I worked off because gym is my favourite part of life but because I had been lazy I never woke up and went to gym and I found every excuse under the sun to not but then I went for shopping the other day and since that day, I am working my ass off. 

4. What lie do you tell the most? That I am happy single I guess. I don’t know man, I am a concealed person and I lie to keep my cover. I hate sharing my feelings so if I love someone I will lie that they didn’t hurt me when deep inside I am crying. I lie about my feeling more than anything. Otherwise, I barely lie. My mom hates that shit so she taught us to stay truthful. 

5. What do you regret not doing? I regret not learning to out myself first. I make people happy while I die inside and I regret not standing up and defending myself and learning to say no. 

6. What do you often look down on people for? Arrogance, negativity, bitchiness, procrastinating, whiny people really piss me off, people who cry about everything and not sorting shit. I have more but the list could go on. 

7. What do you think people look down on you for  the most? For being the most liked person in the room, being the funniest and that I have my shit together and for being the straightforward girl. 

8. What gives your life meaning? Doing what I love.

9. What bridges do you not regret burning? Useless people in my life. You hurt me I leave you. You bore me, I leave you behind. You annoy me, I will leave you behind. Basically I burn every bridge that is pointless in my life. 

10. What are you more insecure about? I don’t know to be honest but I know I am a bit insecure about how I look sometimes other than that, I don’t know. 

11. How do you get in the way of your own success? Being afraid to go out of my comfort zone, nervousness, overthinking. 

12. What’s one thing you wish you could go back and undo? I seriously don’t know. 

13. What are you afraid people see when they look at you? I am afraid people look at me like an intimidating person that they can’t be with. I am afraid people look at me like I am not a hard worker or I am not string enough. 

My goodness me I LOVE RIHANNA 

So she turned up in London for the Valerian premiere !!!!!!!!! and Jesus Christ from Nazareth, she looks like an angel I mean look: 


Look at that smile, look how red makes her look like the most amazing and romantic woman THAT SHE IS! My heart is beating so fast I am even having tears of joy despite the fact that I am so far away from London.


She is soooooo angelic I seriously have no words to describe just how much I admire her. She is such a strong young woman who has accomplished more than anyone can ever imagine for a woman her age. She is proof that dreaming harder and being passionate about what you do will always make you go higher and it will pay off.


So Fucking fierce and extremely sexy. She is my inspiration in so many ways. She inspires me every day and every time I wake up and feel like my dream is not making any progress I think about this young Barbadian girl who had accomplished so much and think that she didn’t give up because if she did, she wouldn’t be here and I certainly can’t even imagine who would be inspiring me as much as she does. 


Just look at her man!!!!! She is just amazing. As much as no one is perfect Rih is my figure of perfection. She is just… effortlessly amazing and look at her right now in london 4 hours away from were I am 😢😢😢😢 


I was so sad last year I couldn’t afford to go see her concert. In my life I haven’t been the kid from a rich family who can afford paying for shows and even when I had started work I still couldn’t but I swear I will meet her one day and my dream is I meet her through working on a film together cause she has started acting now 😍😍😍. I know it’s silly but hey… anything is possible. 


Just like it is possible to have such a beautiful soul in the world!! 


I am really really proud of her and how she has worked so hard and actually always make me optimistic about the future. I love her so much. Nobody can ever understand how much I love her. She is amazing. 

Letters to a man I know I have loved 1

This is one of the most person things you will read about me and it’s dedicated to Colin cause we kind of have this in common 😊 Check out his blog it’s pretty cool 

Dear A

It’s one thing having an undefeatable physical connection. It’s one thing having an amazing psychological connection and it’s another to have an emotional, physical, psychological and soulful connection. I might be naive but why would that be wrong? It’s something I won’t change in a second but I can stand tall and say it, we had that connection. The special connection, the stupid finishing each other’s sentences thing, the similar mindset sometimes I thought you were in my head. I certainly wasn’t dillusional, words were always at the tip of your tongue, all over you face, all over you. Sometimes you’d even stammer and I would be confused what it is that you are on about but I also like it because it’s so cool and so sweet. You look vulnerable and not in a state of weakness, you look contently vulnerable. I have no better adjective for it. All I say is I do hope to see you because like I said, I am the coldest person and of course you don’t know that but I don’t normally feel just like I don’t feel like being with anyone now and I am putting the blame on you because you are available to blame hence absent to love. I don’t blame you. I knew it was probable to be just an impossibility. It’s okay. If it was meant to be maybe I would be telling a different story. I would be lying if I say I am going to forget you. That lie would be coated with honey just to deceive myself but I can at least assure you (and myself) that in three years time you will be just another past hence one that I will never ever look at like a moment meant to pass but one to remember, reminisce and tempt to feel again. 

You don’t make me feel like an ordinary person because even an extra ordinary person would not be able to identify or explain how I felt when you were around. Words would only belittle the moment. It felt like if I ever had the chance to be embraced in your arms I would be the happiest girl alive and every single dream of mine would come true, including being loved by you. 

Like I said, words always seemed to be at the tip of your tongue and I wanted you to say them, tell me and I swear to you, nothing else would matter. The age difference would be just an obstacle that I am yet to destroy, that silver ring on your finger would have been just an accessory that you wore and that I cared less about. Which is one of my traits, I am selfish and I care about what I want and rarely about what other people want. Hence with you, I was ready to even care about the littlest things for instance when you couldn’t find your keys, I kept my cool but inside I was shitting myself sideways, and the relief I felt when you found them was beyond feeling. 
I am writing this to you because I am coercing every part of me to let you go. Like I  said, you are an impossibility and my patience is barely there to things I know have a possibility to come true but what more about you, one who will never ever be mine. 

You know I know I will no longer be working at that shop and probably that would be the last time I ever have means to see you. You haven’t even been to the shop since March maybe but every single day I get out of the house I hope to see you because I do miss you. I sometimes make up scenarios where one day I would just bump into you – even in the future – and maybe that you be the start of something. I am also writing this because with so much affection or whatever this is that I feel for you, it is dangerous because once I see you I feel like I can do anything and that would most likely hurt me and other people because it’s not just anything that I would do, it’s anything that makes you happy and that is too dangerous than a gun pointed at my heart but it doesn’t mean that if you came and asked me out I wouldn’t say yes. I can’t even imagine myself saying no to you because I have no reason to. You feel good enough for me, nothing I ever wanted in a man yet everything I will ever want only I didn’t know I actually wanted that. 

You are smart, innovative and so handsome. But I have to let go so that I can go on with my life. I know this is just a first step to actually moving on because tomorrow when I go to work ever part of me will be praying to god that you just appear and make me extremely happy again. 

It’s one thing having a physical connection with someone. It’s one thing to have a psychological connection, it’s another to have a strong emotional connection but it’s serendipitous to have a combination of all these connections along with a soulful one. I like you. A lot. But goodbye. If I could use an eraser to erase you I could but I know I wouldn’t be able to because even now I can’t even finish this because I can’t let go. I just can’t. It sucks and it makes me feel weak and pathetic but I don’t care. I like you. A million times lot.

Goodnight

Sue me, I am a dreamer

Sue me, I am a dreamer 

My mind is always over my head

I am a fool fooled by the visions of a life presented in a silver goblet. 

All that happens on my head occurs before my eyes in the subliminal line between human sight and that of a dreamer 

Then I am constantly told; ‘dreamers die drowning in the depth of sadness’ due to my higher expectation 

What you are unbeknownst to is my courage and the strength that I carry on my shoulders, 

Since you are a bull that knows we’re its horns come from I assure you, my dreams will come true

So, sue me; I am a dreamer 

Without my dreams, I am a blind dog with no sense of smell – lost 

My hope and belief is breed through the weight of my golden glazed dreams, 

Up in the high chair of a queen watching the lights gleam my fortune, and that is a dream in live to be

So sue me, I am a dreamer

I dream to love and be love 

I have been told that is naivity, the dreams of girl that only knows nothing

Maybe that’s why I don’t feel anything for the small minded and why I will wait till he comes forth with his beauty and darkness 

So hey, sue me I am a dreamer 

I will continue to work till I am a moving ghost, what happens in my head is constructed by my will power and my heart, 

I dream you learn to dream because I could see it in your eyes, your ignorance is a defence mechanism surrounded by jealousy. 

So sue me I am a dreamer

And I dare you to laugh at me, show me your putrid teeth painted by the essence of your ugly soul so that when my dreams come true and I shine, you will be blinded and you will bow because you know nothing.

Sue me, I am a dreamer. 

Everytime ❤️

Everytime I look into your eyes, I feel like you handpicked me to suit your darkest insight, but you never really knew what I was like, you only witnesses a facade of what it’s like to love a woman like me. 

Everytime I am inside your arms, I feel like you handpicked me out of a million, only you didn’t know who I was like, I thought you will leave cause I tempted to leave, not because I hadn’t loved you yet, but because it didn’t feel right, because you only witness the smile I wear in day, and the lustrous mask I wear at night but then you reminded me, it wasn’t a facade it really was me.

Everytime I dance with you in the dark, I want you to be harder cause I am not so soft, Everytime you try to be kind I tell you I want you to be hard because I know love isn’t supposed to be easy, that’s why I don’t want you to be easy. 

Everytime I look into your eyes, I feel like you handpicked me effortlessly because I am transparent, you know I was the girl that suit your life, I love the sex you like and the fetish you love, I hate all the things that you hate, I laugh at same joke as you laugh to, I never cry because you hate to see me cry. 

Everytime I kiss you I feel like I will explode into a million diamonds because you make me shine brighter than the diamonds. 

Everytime you sleep I want you to know, you are my love and I belong to you. 

Everytime 

Dear hater / bully

It was fun wasn’t it, Saying all those awful things 

Your mouth a garbage can, putrid and Fucking disgusting, I am laughing.

You’re A reflection of an inferior minded human being 

Saying self conscious words to the victims of beauty, 

~

I listened, you know? 

Your words boiled like lava 

Writhed like acid

Ashes of my heart still burned

Churning and twisting 

My breath hollowed 

Something was dying inside me

Your words breed a death

Without you my dear, I don’t know where I would be

~

I saw it, in your eyes 

The fervent facade was a stupid substitute for confidence 

Mean girl, a character you played so bad, I was crying

You are such an uneducated bully, it’s annoying

~

Look at me, now

Ritzy and sexy as Fuck 

Your malice has become so dull, i’m bored, 

Come on throw some more hate, babe 

See me grow again, 

See me become a masterpiece 

Because I know that shit hurts. 

~

I See you watching 

The devilish smirk appearing in your face

As I close my eyes

Liquid cascading down my eyes 

It’s in black and white 

A timeless classic 

you’ve won… funny that isn’t.

~

Well fix your face bitch, 

Cause I am a god damn diamond and I Fucking cry glitter bitch. 

It’s a savage world 

I am single 

But my heart belongs to someone who can never be mine 

I am on my own 

Hence my mind rotates in circles 

I feel a certain drowsiness since I decided to let go and let God 

But I want you, 

I want something new 

Because you are all that is in my mind 

Promoting your image, an illusion of the best life 

And I buy into it 

~

I am single 

I walk on the streets 

Hand in hand with your phantom 

I am cursed with the eyes that are the only that can see you 

 because I belong to you 

And you belong to someone else

It’s a savage world. 

It’s sad I live in it 

And you don’t live in it 

I am not loving it 

So that’s why I tempt to leave it 

But nothing is as impossible as that 

Letting go, of you, and letting God.