There is nothing as blissfully peaceful as the days in oversized flannels at the comfort of your own house. Some oversized jeans – ripped jeans maybe and a book to feed your mind with the visuals the artistic mind has written for you. Escape reality as what happens in the book normally takes you out of this world, propel you  to feel the world outside yours. It’s never a mundane moment then, especially when it’s raining and you sit at the frame of  the window, allow the dainty lace curtain to caress across your skin. Awaken the hairs on your skin. Close your eyes and reminisce the touch of your lover. Watch the rain cascade from the skies and wash away the tears of the sad, water the flowers so they will bloom into roses tomorrow. Transfer into the magical realms built by the imagination of another of your kind. It’s inspirational.

There is nothing like a day in oversized flannels and oversized jeans in the comfort of your home. 

G’day everyone

13 questions TMI

I confess, I stole this from JL Peridot and I thought it was cool. It’s more like a TMI or a get to know me kind of thing. Go check out their blog it’s pretty cool and erotic.  I will answer these very honestly.

1. How do you hope to change as a person in the future? I hope to be more soft. I am a hard person and I tell it like it is and that makes me hurt people. If you watch the tv program suits, picture me as a female version if Harvey. So maybe I will like to soften up a bit. I also like attention. When I am in the room I want to wholly everyone and if someone takes the spotlight it pisses me off. So maybe I would like to be a bit soft on that. 

2. What keeps you up at night? I am extremely career driven and sometimes I think I allow that to keep me up at night.Anxiety  and thinking if every bad thing that could hinder my career. Other than that no matter how happy or sad I am, I rarely stay up at night unless I am watching a bunch of film. 

3. What’s the most surprising self-realisation you’ve had? I have had many haha. Waking up in the morning. Recently I realise that I have gained all the weight I worked off because gym is my favourite part of life but because I had been lazy I never woke up and went to gym and I found every excuse under the sun to not but then I went for shopping the other day and since that day, I am working my ass off. 

4. What lie do you tell the most? That I am happy single I guess. I don’t know man, I am a concealed person and I lie to keep my cover. I hate sharing my feelings so if I love someone I will lie that they didn’t hurt me when deep inside I am crying. I lie about my feeling more than anything. Otherwise, I barely lie. My mom hates that shit so she taught us to stay truthful. 

5. What do you regret not doing? I regret not learning to out myself first. I make people happy while I die inside and I regret not standing up and defending myself and learning to say no. 

6. What do you often look down on people for? Arrogance, negativity, bitchiness, procrastinating, whiny people really piss me off, people who cry about everything and not sorting shit. I have more but the list could go on. 

7. What do you think people look down on you for  the most? For being the most liked person in the room, being the funniest and that I have my shit together and for being the straightforward girl. 

8. What gives your life meaning? Doing what I love.

9. What bridges do you not regret burning? Useless people in my life. You hurt me I leave you. You bore me, I leave you behind. You annoy me, I will leave you behind. Basically I burn every bridge that is pointless in my life. 

10. What are you more insecure about? I don’t know to be honest but I know I am a bit insecure about how I look sometimes other than that, I don’t know. 

11. How do you get in the way of your own success? Being afraid to go out of my comfort zone, nervousness, overthinking. 

12. What’s one thing you wish you could go back and undo? I seriously don’t know. 

13. What are you afraid people see when they look at you? I am afraid people look at me like an intimidating person that they can’t be with. I am afraid people look at me like I am not a hard worker or I am not string enough. 

Sue me, I am a dreamer

Sue me, I am a dreamer 

My mind is always over my head

I am a fool fooled by the visions of a life presented in a silver goblet. 

All that happens on my head occurs before my eyes in the subliminal line between human sight and that of a dreamer 

Then I am constantly told; ‘dreamers die drowning in the depth of sadness’ due to my higher expectation 

What you are unbeknownst to is my courage and the strength that I carry on my shoulders, 

Since you are a bull that knows we’re its horns come from I assure you, my dreams will come true

So, sue me; I am a dreamer 

Without my dreams, I am a blind dog with no sense of smell – lost 

My hope and belief is breed through the weight of my golden glazed dreams, 

Up in the high chair of a queen watching the lights gleam my fortune, and that is a dream in live to be

So sue me, I am a dreamer

I dream to love and be love 

I have been told that is naivity, the dreams of girl that only knows nothing

Maybe that’s why I don’t feel anything for the small minded and why I will wait till he comes forth with his beauty and darkness 

So hey, sue me I am a dreamer 

I will continue to work till I am a moving ghost, what happens in my head is constructed by my will power and my heart, 

I dream you learn to dream because I could see it in your eyes, your ignorance is a defence mechanism surrounded by jealousy. 

So sue me I am a dreamer

And I dare you to laugh at me, show me your putrid teeth painted by the essence of your ugly soul so that when my dreams come true and I shine, you will be blinded and you will bow because you know nothing.

Sue me, I am a dreamer. 

Dear hater / bully

It was fun wasn’t it, Saying all those awful things 

Your mouth a garbage can, putrid and Fucking disgusting, I am laughing.

You’re A reflection of an inferior minded human being 

Saying self conscious words to the victims of beauty, 

~

I listened, you know? 

Your words boiled like lava 

Writhed like acid

Ashes of my heart still burned

Churning and twisting 

My breath hollowed 

Something was dying inside me

Your words breed a death

Without you my dear, I don’t know where I would be

~

I saw it, in your eyes 

The fervent facade was a stupid substitute for confidence 

Mean girl, a character you played so bad, I was crying

You are such an uneducated bully, it’s annoying

~

Look at me, now

Ritzy and sexy as Fuck 

Your malice has become so dull, i’m bored, 

Come on throw some more hate, babe 

See me grow again, 

See me become a masterpiece 

Because I know that shit hurts. 

~

I See you watching 

The devilish smirk appearing in your face

As I close my eyes

Liquid cascading down my eyes 

It’s in black and white 

A timeless classic 

you’ve won… funny that isn’t.

~

Well fix your face bitch, 

Cause I am a god damn diamond and I Fucking cry glitter bitch. 

Discussion: two women? 

Here is a scenario. 

You recently met a girl and you are actually in a relationship. Let’s say her name is Melisa. So one day your girlfriends finds out that you have been seeing Mel and she doesn’t say anything and you don’t know that she knows about Mel. Then one day you are from work, or something, exhausted and all you need is your gf besides you, watching tv and just chilling basically. Then you go into your bedroom and find Mel and your girlfriend having sex. 

This is a real scenario, don’t think of it from a really sexual mindset, this is your wife and your sidechick having sex. 

What would you do? 

I own it 

It would be a green ugly lie if I said I always live in reality 

My head is world of gold and fortune 

Sleek and fine 

Haters ashes, scattered in hell

My ashes are diamonds

Pose bitch 

~

I dance

Barely dressed 

My body is a gracious vessel

A fountain of youth 

Bathing in this liquid gold 

My melanin popping

My highlight gold and brighter than your future 

I am owning it 

~

I like giving you something to talk about 

A hegemonic figure of life 

I own every shit I have 

You own that malice, what do you have? 

~

My eyes lascivious 

He said they pierce through his soul, 

My lips thick 

He says they are juicy, 

Cause I am damn owning it 

Own it bitch 

~

Remind haters you the shit, 

The damn queen of your life

Let them play extras

And you be the lead role

My face on everything 

I’ll be your kid’s idol 

Your brother’s crush

Your boyfriend’s fantasy 

Bitch, I am owning it. 

~

All of that glam 

Bad and boujie 

Own it 

Discussion: big girls/ big women…? 

(I love this woman!!!!!)

I am glad we are in a time where most thick women feel confident and beautiful in their skin. I myself I am a curvy girl, I am no where near skinny and sometimes I feel less beautiful which is fairly less times to be honest. The thing is being a bigger girl comes with more flaws than most thinner women. We have huge tits that aren’t as perky, some thick girls don’t have huge tits but the majority do. I do and they are heavy and annoying but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I have read some articles where men say they are turned off when a plus woman has her huge tits that are obviously not going to be perky. 

(Another fav from Ig)

Second, we have stretch marks, our tiger stripes define our growth and our feminity and again I have read articles where some men say they are a turn off or they wouldn’t date a plus woman because of that. 

(So beautiful!, my body type)

Besides some thick women have thick thighs that rub together, cause friction and skin discolouration, and I have yet again read articles where women feel insecure about this and where they have been insulted about it. In my opinion, it’s all natural. 

Also I know there are some big men who aren’t six pack and muscles, who too are thick and are also made to feel as though they aren’t beautiful. I know people have preference, I have mine but sometimes you can’t help who you fall for. 

The media and the society makes us feel as though we are unattractive and that we must be picture perfect or if we are curvy, we must be Kim Kardashian curvy which is just… let’s not go there. 

So this week’s discussion is about fat/thick/plus/curvy women and thick men. 

Would you date a thick (BBW) woman/ man? Do the flaws I have mentioned above turn you off? And on the picture below which girl would you prefer if you were to date a big girl? 

(A,B,C,D,E) 

I know this is a sensitive subject for other people and I don’t mean to offend. I am doing this discussion because people email me to do it and a lot have. I am just helping and if you have an idea of any discussion please voice it. Also share this post so that more people would join in. It’s fun if we are many. 

 I also ask that you write your most honest response and do not feel afraid or lie just to impress, I want you to be honest. And remember every opinion is an opinion, if it offends you, don’t take it to heart. 

No matter who you are, you are very very beautiful and no words should make you feel less than beautiful and handsome. 

Love is possible.

Today was pretty much no different to any day, I just had to deal with the financial crisis and fixing my uni applications and all trying to revise for exams. Also my acne treatment has the side effects of mood swings and tiredness, all kinds of shit really and it makes me miserable but I am an optimist. I try to look on the positive side but today I wasn’t. The treatment was kind of overwhelming besides, I have put on so much weight I can’t even look at my own reflection on the mirror (probably the treatment talking)  and I am stressing out and today I was ready and kicking to go back to gym then I forgot my bus pass and it all went down shit basically. 

So it’s been pretty shite if I am being honest. But one thing I noticed, I am the kind of a person who reads the future from almost anything. Some of it has actually worked for instance, when I went to London for an audition, all the way to the train station every traffic light went red, in my mind I had the incessant feeling that it wasn’t going to go well. Then while in the train, somebody became sick, to me it illustrates that my journey won’t be good and guess what, it didn’t go well. I am using this example cause I feel like you will understand it more. 

So since my day was basically a perfect definition of a shit day, in a shit mood and shit clothes (fashion means a lot to me) I have seen two different kinds of love. In a way, it’s a promise that I will find what I am looking for. Love, life, happiness and traveling. 

One lesson is, love isn’t about the looks. It has always occurred to me that I will not find a person who will love me because of my looks. I am a plus girl battling with weight issues despite my confidence and at times I think no one will love me. Very little times though.

Today after college I was in the bus and I saw two teenagers, they are probably younger than me (I will be twenty in two weeks 💥) they were standing in each ither’s arms. (I am a bit of a flaneur)  They were obviously in their own world, they were talking and kissing each other. In all, nothing was perfect about these kids, the guy had the long hair, the girl was in all black almost like the metal rock band singers but what was perfect was the way I felt their sense of love and affection. It was beautiful but it passed my mind because I had a lot in my mind. 

Then in town I saw another pair of lovers yet again. This one actually made me smile in public (so rare for me to smile in public. I have a straight don’t fuck with me face). Something blissful swelled in my heart. They were both putrid, in dirty tracksuits and the ripped and dirty hair – showing they live scarcely and perhaps sleep under the bridges. They were arguing, shouting all kinds of expletives at each other. I turned down the volume of my music and heard them say some deep shit at each other. Cursing super strong I was almost shocked. Then the man cursed and walked the other way and the woman also murmured profanities while walking away. It reminded me of the times my mom and the wife beater she was married to, they fought like this Everytime but even if they argued, I never sensed love like it did between these two. And they didn’t prove my speculation or sense of love wrong. The man hastily walked back to her and yanked her hand in almost a very forceful manner, when she argued with him he caught her words with his lips onto hers. It wasn’t just a quick kiss. They kissed in the middle of the road, no care that the car would come and hit them, no care that the sun is scorching today, no care that people are probably judging them, all they cared about in that moment was each other. 
I bet people thought I was insane as I watched them with a big toothy smile. It was a super sensational sight. So beautiful I can’t wipe it away. These people have nothing. Nothing. Their clothes look like they are all they have, dusty and all kinds of dirty. But their love… I just… I am lost for words. I can’t describe it because maybe you would understand it if you watched them with me. From the way they cursed at each other you would imagine them walking away from each other and never looking back but damn, that kind of free love, no cost, no care for anything but each other is the kind of love I love. It was obvious they were all they had and really, I could fan-girl about their love through out all day. 

I love love. I love the sight of love and seeing such examples of love makes me… I don’t know… crave it a little more? Believe that love is actually possible and I am not just crazy? That maybe I am not naive? I just don’t know but like a person who reads from what happens around her, I feel like not so long I will have what I want. It’s possible. Love is possible. No matter what the circumstances are. Love is possible and at no cost. No money or wealth or perfect body or perfect face or perfect financial life or perfect anything, love is possible. Love will come to me and damn I will be happy. 

Let’s have a laugh 😂 

The internet has no chill man 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂