Dear hater / bully

It was fun wasn’t it, Saying all those awful things 

Your mouth a garbage can, putrid and Fucking disgusting, I am laughing.

You’re A reflection of an inferior minded human being 

Saying self conscious words to the victims of beauty, 

~

I listened, you know? 

Your words boiled like lava 

Writhed like acid

Ashes of my heart still burned

Churning and twisting 

My breath hollowed 

Something was dying inside me

Your words breed a death

Without you my dear, I don’t know where I would be

~

I saw it, in your eyes 

The fervent facade was a stupid substitute for confidence 

Mean girl, a character you played so bad, I was crying

You are such an uneducated bully, it’s annoying

~

Look at me, now

Ritzy and sexy as Fuck 

Your malice has become so dull, i’m bored, 

Come on throw some more hate, babe 

See me grow again, 

See me become a masterpiece 

Because I know that shit hurts. 

~

I See you watching 

The devilish smirk appearing in your face

As I close my eyes

Liquid cascading down my eyes 

It’s in black and white 

A timeless classic 

you’ve won… funny that isn’t.

~

Well fix your face bitch, 

Cause I am a god damn diamond and I Fucking cry glitter bitch. 

Introvert

Silent…

She is a mute 

Slit her mouth with a razor 

Perhaps she will speak.

~

Silence is louder than the volume of her voice
It’s buried underneath the weight of fear

The fear of pain

Pain from your ridiculing laughter 

Your ignorance 

And your 

False affability.

~

She is everywhere but nowhere 
Alienated by her uniqueness 

Isolated by you her fellow human beings  

She is a ghost

An alien

A mutant 

A flaneur 

And a probable existence 

~

She is imprisoned

For a crime-less crime 

Sentenced to life 

The Unbreakable bars are her brain

The putrid cold floor is her anxiety 

The suffocating room is the world

The coldness of the room is your humanity.

~

If your false affability, your lies and pretence were money

She would be a zillionaire 

Hence wealth and money come with an abundant amount of loneliness and stress

~

You label her like a brand
Fully aware that,

These labels cut her into pieces of loneliness

Sadness

Depression 

Self hate

And then she will bleed
~

Bleed it all onto a paper

Create her own universe

A universe that accepts her for who she is

Bleed her scenarios into her creation’s scenarios

Bleed all her latent desires until she is left desire-less

Bleed all her dreams until she no longer has hope for them

And then she will die

Die a God of a universe that the world is unbeknownst of.

~

She is an introvert 
Everything is foreign to her

Just like you are foreign to her

Friends is a strange term to her

If she understood it maybe she would indulge

~

She is happy

She gets drunk until she forgets her name too

She is witty, talkative, easy going and amicable 

But you won’t know because you think she is the worst thing in the world
She also thinks you are the worst thing that’s ever happened to her life

She is the worst

You are the worst

You are all the same

Although because you despise her difference 

You mutter your profanities under your breath

Despite being stoic, your profanities are a symphony of her ears.

It would be better if you stop fooling yourselves. 

~

She is an introvert 

She looks crazy

A mute

Created to bolster your non existent confidence

~

If you open your mind and see that you are not any different from her

You will realise she is the most safest sea in all seas

The easiest mountain to climb

True beauty like the skies 

She is an introvert not an alien.

Storms of love

Bored with being at home working hard and ironing, cooking and cleaning; she decided to take a walk to town. She had rarely came out of the house. If anything she was a stay at home wife. 

As she retreated towards the shopping centre, she saw him. Her husband, tangled in the arms of a lithe woman, laughing and kissing passionately at the local coffee shop. She stopped in her tracks, her body inert. She’d heard about it from the people on social media but she trusted him. She might have been a bit dubious as love had become its own opposite at home but she didn’t believe people from the outside. She had taught herself to never believe people’s rumours. 

Her heart had stopped beating her body had frozen at that moment she believed she was half dead and half alive. There she was doing all of her home duties because she believed he loved her and that she loved him and there he was spreading his wings with other women. 

As her mind diverted from doing shopping to getting her clothes and leaving him, she forgot how she had gotten there  and turned back, crying. Tears washed away with the rain and as she got home she sat on the bed, weak to even start packing her belongings. 

Two hours later he arrived home and found her drenched in tears. He didn’t even bother to ask what had went wrong. Instead he greeted her morosely and headed to the shower. When he was finished he came to the living room and found her sitting on the sofa, the tv off and the room darksome. 

It wasn’t the first time she had witness such betrayal. She had allowed his beatings across her body, she had forgave him in the name of love. How long would she have to endure such abuse? 

“Who is she?” She asked and he chuckled. 

“Who are you talking about? Where is the food, I’m starving” he threw himself onto the sofa. 

“The woman you were with two hours ago. I saw the two of you snogging and all” 

“I don’t know what you are talking about. You are crazy and lonely maybe it’s just one of your unfortunate imaginings” he said looking at his phone scrolling. 

She felt ridiculed and unloved. She got up from the sofa saying “call her and tell her to Fucking cook for you. I am not your slave” 

Those words didn’t sit well with her tempestuous husband. Ronald waisted no seconds and threw away his phone lunging for her and backhanding her across her face making her land back onto the sofa. 

While she suffered from the heat of his slap he was onto her with his hands on her neck pressing and clenching his fingers against her throat, blocking every access to air. She fough against his grip but it tightened, clouds formed in her brains, her vision blurred, her body began losing power and strength. She couldn’t hear any of his malicious words as he cursed while choking her against the sofa. 

As her eyes shut, her breath became little to hold her entire body, she passed out. The next thing, she woke up on a bed and Ronald was all smiles next to her holding a cup of hot chocolate. 

“I am sorry, Kathy” he said the moment she opened her eyes. 

Horror clouded her, her heart tied knots. Ronald war the masquerade of a man she had fallen in love with not the one that hit and bullied her. 

In that moment she fell in love with him all over again. The weight of her love for Ronald overwhelmed the weight of her hate for him. It was perhaps the hundredth time he had hit her like that and sometimes more than that but she always came back to him. 

She loved him. 

“You know I didn’t mean to. You ask too many questions about stuff that aren’t real. Why would I cheat on you, I love you Kathy and I would never do anything to hurt you.” Seeing him apologetic with tears mirrored on his eyes made her heart swell. 

He didn’t mean it, she told herself. So she lifted her head off the pillows and kissed him. Kissed him with tears falling down her eyes. 

“I forgive you Ron but I can’t live like this” she whispered and Ron pulled away from the kiss and stumbled away walking back and forth in the room. 

“You can’t leave me Kathy.” He cried out trembling. 

“I can’t live like this Ron” she emphasised and Ron trembled. 

“If you dare leave me I will kill myself” as he said that Kathy changed her mind in a spit of a second. That was the last thing she wanted to live with for the rest of her life. Guilt. Guilt that her actions had led to someone’s suicide and so she got up from the bed and went to hug her husband as he overreacted. 

“It’s okay Ron, I am not going anywhere” she whispered and he went on saying a myrad of affectionate lies in her mind she knew tomorrow or even before the end of the day, he would say something that would hurt her. And he could beat her up again. 

But she loved him. At least she thought she did.